I am looking for an ancient Keltic Druid Christmas soup receipe?

Question

I need to make a Dorsal Fin Fluffin Shark Soup for our annual Church raffle at the Church of Bipolar Opposition of Aquatic Rodents, to take an evil spell off a lady from Suffolk. Penny (not her real name) has been suffering from delusions instead of concentrating on Christmas cookies. She subscribes to every conspiracy theory ever written including this one.

Her spell has been casted by powerful evil Highlander clans during last summers solstice.And do I need fresh ground Unobtanium with it?
I tried substituting this with shredded foreskin from an albino Beluga whale but it didn't work.

Serious replies only!


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Answer 1

Just get some KFC, and you'll be fine...(with the mashed potatos and gravy, of course...)



And by the way...Sometimes they prescribe downers to take you down from the prescription speed you're on...



...might want to look into that tomorrow...(It's "Monday" tomorrow...just an FYI...)

Answer 2

Seek the good offices of the Green Knight. He specialises in illusionati / Delusionati spell removal. Your friend, Jenny (if that is her real name) is probably very concerned aboput you, sitting next to your bubbling cauldren of soupy madness, your mad werewolf howling, echoing through the lonely swamps of your dreary homeland. You are obviously projecting your own Madness onto this poor Friend of yours, who is probably the epitome of Sanity. Anyway, the Highlander Clans haven't had a Spellcaster of any note since Mel Gibson flushed the last bit of Credibility they had down the Dunny with his "there can be only one" nonsense. Or was that Sean Connery? No matter, get some sleep if you can, or a hobby, maybe Basket Making, or Knitting. Chopping up Whales' willies is not the action of a sane mind, you must realise this! Your obsession with male genitalia probably goes back to the last time you urinated, and saw what a lttle winky you had, so to compensate, you mutilated the largest winky you could imagine, (in this case, a Beluga Whale) but it didn't make it any better, did it?

Have a nice Marmite Sandwitch, (rich in B vits) and forget about your little willy, and get some sleep. I will petition the Green Knight, and let him know your predicament. Okay?

Answer 3

Take one sheep (that's right, take it, don't buy it) skin it, disembowel it with your trusty 'Bumper Boys' pen knife. Dig a large pit and build a large fire inner most and wait till the fire dies down a tad and throw the little tinker in, Add 3 geese, an oxen, 2 fluffy bunnies, a Vietnamese pot bellied pig called Brian, the juice from 2 lemons and a cup of Bovril. Stir the said mixture of critters with a stout stick on the fire (flame reg. 600deg. Cel. until brown. Remove from the fire when suitably cooked and place into a iron cauldron, Add 20 cloves of garlic and a small onion, 2 bananas and half a cup of tea. Stir the mixture vigorously until it takes on the consistency of a Jocks sporran brace. Serve with a crusty bread, a generous helping of lighter fluid and garnish with a a sprig of holly



Bon appetite.

Answer 4

Kale chicken soup 2 cups cooked diced chicken 4 cup lo fat vegetable broth 2 cups shredded kale 1 can chopped water chestnuts 2 ribs celery diced and sauted in olive oil 1 small onion diced and sauted with celery 1 clove garlic sauted with above Mix all togther and simmer until kale is tender. Excellent hot or cold and VERY high in iron.

Answer 5

Not fluffin fin soup again! Come on man we're sick to death of Fluffin. Fluffin soup, fried Fluffin, Fluffin ommelette, Fluffin a l'orange, fluffin and mud pie. I've had it up to the horn with Fluffins. Why can't we have a nice rainbow trout nest soup for a change perhaps with mud and dust suprise for afters. Don't forget the boiled potatoes, just look in the mirror, that should remind you.

Answer 6

Everbody's just a one bigga crazy fecker! Whatsa matter, you all? You seeka da fix-a you up soup?



Simply...Ramen death noodles in the hard square pak, with the poision seasoning salts, and a package of those tiny dried fish you buy in the Asain markets, that you eat ,eyes and all, will cure anything! And to make sure,

crack-a you egg innna da soup..guaranteed to have your dinner guests leaving in groups,..the upside...less clean up for you....

Answer 7

Hey, zere, now hold on vun shtinking moment!

I vould answer your qvestion if I knew vat da feck you vere talkink about, vhich I don't, but I must comlainink about ze vun sink out of ze whole sink zat I did unterstandink...No Canadian coins accepted? You shtinking shvine, zat ist all zat ist left in ze vorld! Vere you from, Germany?

Answer 8

The only druid recipe i have is Virgins' blood and acorn soup with seasoned croûtons.

Answer 9

She said you're either one of them or living in a naive fantasy world, judging by your surreal hashed together elbow jugs and piss pots you make.

And therefore she fears it is you who are mad to question her, ask her contacts.



She said get well soon anyway because she still loves you despite your delusions.



Recipe; Boil carrots a bit, liquidise, season with tumeric, salt & pepper and reheat.

Answer 10

If you have problems acquiring enough unobtanium you could consider substituting absurdium or even absurdite



/.

Answer 11

Auntie asked me to send you this...no idea why, or what it has to do with things that people eat and how they are affected by them...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBVmfIUR1DA&feature=related

Answer 12

I sink you are too crwuel darhhlingk!

Answer 13

Celtic is with a "C" not a "K"